Palm Springs Stroke Recovery Center ----->

This was a sign that we saw on our way into Palm Springs this past weekend. A bunch of us went there for this past holiday weekend, and not too soon after we arrived into town, we realized the expansiveness of the senior population. I think as we got closer to the city, the drivers got older...and gayer. There was a bear convention in town that weekend, but luckily we had no run-ins with any browns or blacks. Damn that made me sound like a racist. But I'm not I swear...I love the blacks! Anyway, that's no surprise for this town (although the distinct smell of semen in the neighborhood air was a bit disconcerting. And no, I'm not kidding. It was quite strange and at first quite distracting, but by Saturday we didn't smell it anymore. I think we just got used to it. That's even more disconcerting). I felt my skin wrinkling as we crossed the city line. But no worries, that couldn't stop us from having a good time. We rented a great house in a nice neighborhood for 3 days and did some good 'ol fashioned relaxing. And some drinking. And for one of us, some alcohol-induced vomiting. But don't worry Mike, I won't won't tell anyone who that was. We swam, ate, drank, slept, and for our big adventure went up to Mt. San Jacinto, taking a tramway up 8,000 feet to an incredibly windy and freezing mountain top. Not many of us were dressed appropriately for the temperature at the top, so we didn't stay much longer than it took to walk the trail. Too bad, really. It would've been great to enjoy the crisp outdoors...until the point where I can't feel my ears anymore. Then I wanna go back to the heated pool.

Me, Jason, Darlene, Jeff, Mike, Troy, Mike, and the tree that only grows on one side because it's too windy on the mountain top (i'll explain later). Two computer programmers, a paralegal, a proteomics PhD candidate, a web developer, a 4th year med student, and a health care genius (hehe). Man, we could kick some serious ass at Hooter's trivia. If you've never been to said trivia, you should try it. But not in San Diego, it sucks here and is run by airhead waitresses that can't even pronounce the questions properly. Gotta go back to NY for the good stuff. Anyway, enjoy the Palm Springs pics. Good times!

Living room

Me in the kitchen.

Thought I'd throw this in here for shits and giggles. We were just really excited about the house and taking pictures of everything. I just enjoyed the humor in me taking a picture of my friend Mike taking a picture of me taking a picture of him....taking a picture of me....taking a ok that's enough.

Our backyard and pool. The pool was so nice, and warm!

I loved this back patio. It was so nice to hang out back here. And yes, we're on a laptop, but before you judge and say we're wasting time at this beautiful house, I'll defend us by saying that we were looking for good places to go out that night. But I can't lie, so I'll tell you I was showing everyone this.

The site of much relaxation. Actually, the trees back there had tons of perfectly fresh lemons on them...I smell lemonade!

The hand made Jako lemonade. Mmmmm. Oh shit, that sounded really dirty.

This wasn't the hot tub temperature, it was the pool temperature. Ohhhh, it was so sweet. Like one huge rectangular jacuzzi. I wanted to stay in the pool all weekend.

So for those of you who aren't familiar with the "Phoon", it's what we're all doing here by the pool. It's silly and stupid but tons of fun. Wel, not tons of fun. But mildly amusing for sure. Essentially you make this pose, then submit it to www.phoons.com
If they like it, they'll post it on their site. I'll submit this one and see if they accept it. Way to go, guys!

Fireside Phooning

Poolside fun

Hiking through the mountain top

The wind at the top of the mountain perpetually blows so hard that the tree on the left has no choice but to grow all in onw direction. Beautiful views despite the 30 degree weather.

In hindsight, perhaps I should've done this outside. But dayomn those smores were good.

You too could kick my ass

All you have to do to become one of the lucky people to get me in a carotid restraint hold is join me for my semi-weekly Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class! Although it's basically what I expected, I didn't think I'd be this sore after 2 classes. But being suplexed 6 times in a row does tend to have a mild effect on one's shoulder. I've been doing what I would consider a pretty rigorous gym routine for the last 4 months, but the so-called "warm-up" in this class has me so exhausted by the end that I barely have energy for the training. I can't really feel my abs at this point...it's more of an ab-shaped circle of excruciating pain in the stomach region. But I feel this will get me in much better conditioning than I'm in right now, so that's good. On the bright side, it's fun and I've learned a few good lessons so far:
1) Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a ground-fighting martial art. It specializes in submission grappling when both fighters are on the ground, and involves positional control and submissions such as chokes and arm locks. It's practiced as a martial art where you practice escaping out of any hold, and using little strength to subdue a much larger opponent. This is what I need, because the next smallest guy in class has about 30lbs on me. The Taekwondo I took when I was younger was useless, this is far more realistic.
2) Knowing Jiu-Jitsu can actually reduce your injuries- This was surprising to me, since I'm constantly in fear of dying in class. I'm kidding of course. Well, sort of. But as I thought about it, it's understandable in the sense that you'll be much more limber, in addition to being much more capable of avoiding situations that would result in an injury....there's lots of moving around and constant shifting of positions to avoid being put in a position you very much don't want to be in. Hence, it's safer. Yay.
3) Don't mess with a brown belt- It may not be black, but he'll definitely rip you a new one. I wasn't familiar with the belt orderings in this martial art, so luckily I got to learn this one second hand by watching him manhandle some poor guy who's only been there for about 6 months. (FYI- It's White-Blue-Purple-Brown-Black)
4) Head locks are entirely overrated- There are dozens of ways to get out of a traditional head lock, and only a couple that even have a chance of holding someone who knows what they're doing...the average douchebag that puts you in one probably has no idea what he's doing, so escaping is actually pretty easy. Good to know for my next bar fight.
5) My instructor is ridiculous- I guess that's why he owns the place. His name is Odie, and he's a good teacher, and will monitor while you practice, give helpful hints, etc. He's completely amazing in action, and doesn't even break a sweat when he fights willing students (students with much bigger balls than mine). He'll ask a student what percentage they want him to fight at (30% effort, 50% effort, etc) so they can practice with him and still get valuable lesson without getting hurt...but when this crazy blue belt named Kali in Tuesday night's class asked for 95%, the result was a 7 second match and Kali turning blue. Onlookers were cheering for Kali not to give up, saying things like "Don't tap out buddy, we'll wake you up in a minute!". I thought that was funny. I don't think Kali did, he gave up before the stopwatch hit double digits. Odie also will teach you the difference between what you would do in competition and what you would do on the street to put someone in the hospital. He'll say things like "When you're in a match, this is where you would stop, and when you're not in a match, this is where you would break his jaw." Thanks man. Always with the helpful hints. He reminds me of the bad guy sensei from Karate Kid, only much nicer and would never let you get hurt in class. It's a controlled choas, I suppose.
6) Jiu-Jitsu is full of irony- Why, you ask? Because the term means "gentle art". Haha that's funny. Gentle my ass. No, really, please be gentle on my ass. I have a desk job.
7) I shouldn't have posted this cuz my family is going to freak out. Haha I can't wait for the comments. Remember lesson #2!

Yay Chargers, yay Bills (sort of)

So as a die hard Bills fan, I couldn't have been happier when my friend Laura asked me if I wanted her extra ticket to the Chargers/Bills game. With a resounding YES, I accepted her offer, and in no time we were heading to the game this past Sunday. We didn't hit too much traffic getting there, which made me think it was gonna be a great day! But that thought quickly disappeared when we entered the stadium and saw the "Parking: $17" sign. Holy shitballs. I couldn't believe it. I've never parked at the stadium before, so little did I know, the $17 cash in my pocket would be exactly enough to get us to the tailgating area. Laura didn't have any money on her at all, so I'm not sure what we would've done if I didn't have enough. So with an empty wallet, we parked and met up with some coworkers of Laura's to tailgate. Luckily they had free food and Laura brought drinks. We drank, ate, and drank some more. I waked around and met a bunch of Bills fans from NY, particularly Rochester, Buffalo, and other cities in central NY. It was cool to meet other San Diego transplants from the same area as Laura and I.
We had really good seats (about the 30 yard line) and had a great time, even though Buffalo got killed. Of course, living here now, I've become a bit of a Charger fan, but I never cheered against the Bills, and it hurt quite a bit for us to watch their huge loss. But all in all a fun day.

At this point, I still had cash in my pocket. Curse you Qualcomm! On second thought...the founder recently gave my office $2.5million, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Entrance to the stadium

Our tailgating spot. Lots of music, tons of food, and oodles of drunken football fans.

Laura and a Bills/Chargers (Billargers? Chills?) fan.

At this point I wasn't really aware how the game would turn out. They should've changed that "vs." to "destroy".

Mmmmm

Mmmmmmm. I was drunk enough to eat one, even though my inner sensibilities were telling me I was eating lips and assholes.

Laura relieving herself

This poor fella felt left out of the tailgating drinking festivities, so he decided to pound a bottle of water. He was still greeted with a series of "chug chug!".

Laura doing what could be called a reverse mini keg stand. hehe.

Now isn't this what tailgating is all about?

Sweet

Marching Bands are cool!

I only say that to justify the fact that I actually rode in a car 2 hours each way to watch a bunch of them compete. I was never in a marching band, but in fairness to all who were, the competition was pretty fun to watch. And I've seen a few back in NY as well. I usually just wind up watching the drum line cuz that interests me the most. But overall it was a good time...had a few drinks at a "hella" trendy and fun bar recommended by a friend of ours up in LA called the Abbey, listed as one of the worlds best bars. Drove home that night in time to get a good nights sleep for the Bills game the next day (boo). Oh well, San Diego Super Chargers =)

Some dorks

Some other dorks.

This was the hosting band, Arcadia. Their marching band literally had more people than my entire high school.

Thanksgiving is fun, cuz I have a filthy mind

I plan on saying each one of these things on Thanksgiving day, because it's the only time where I can get away with it in public. Yay me.

If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst.
That's one terrific spread.
I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
Are you ready for seconds yet?
It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
I didn't expect everyone to come at once.
You still have a little bit on your chin.
How long will it take after you stick it in?
You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that.
That's the biggest one I've ever seen.

Verizon is normally good, but this week they sucked balls

So before I leave town, I felt the need to share what happened to me on my lunch break today.
Over the last couple days, I've been having a battle with Verizon Wireless because my current phone broke, and I wanted to redirect my number to another flip phone that I borrowed from a friend (thanks J). Well, recently the cockmunchers at Verizon corporate decided to implement a $20 transfer fee in order to redirect the number to another phone. This takes them about 5 minutes to do, so essentially I'm paying some college dropout asstwit $240/hour to do the work of a mildly intelligent stapler. So after arguing on the phone with the store near my house, then physically going to that store and arguing with several workers and managers and getting nowhere, I told them I was leaving and not coming back. And I haven't, because today over lunch I tried a different Verizon store (the one in Mission Valley in case anyone has the same problem), where I got the same runaround for a good half hour. The first woman I got was a retard, in fact I think she was literally drooling in between sentences. So she referred me to some other guy who then referred me to the manager who was busy and took 10 minutes to come out from the back. When he did, I explained to him what I wanted to do, and that I didn't see the need for the fee. He gave me the manager's handbook speech about policy and procedure, and politely said he couldn't help me. So then I said that I just wanted to transfer the phone for a couple weeks until I give them MORE business by buying the RAZR when it comes out soon. He said it was difficult because the computer wouldn't let him enter it without charging the $20, so I said "how about you just enter in that I paid the $20" but then he said the register accounting would be off at the end of the day, blah blah blah bullshit bullshit bullshit. So after going back and forth, eventually I said "I pay my bill automatically with my credit card every month, so how bout you give me a $20 credit on my bill and I'll "pay" the fee right now, then when I get a survey asking me how my experience was here, I'll give you all glowing remarks and say you were the most helpful and understanding manager EVER." He was like "Uhhh, wellll, let me check something.." After fidgeting with the computer and doing what I can only imagine was calculating his astonishingly low take-home pay, and perhaps realizing it might be worth the small effort to keep a customer happy, he said, "I'll tell you what I can do this time...I suppose we can help you because of your situation, and give you a credit in this one-time special circumstance". At that point I felt triumphant...and I also felt like telling him I could do his job with one brain tied behind my back, but 1) that wouldve been rude and 2) sort of doesn't make any sense. So I didn't. I politely thanked him for being so understanding and shook his hand, even though silently I was cursing his greasy hair and ugly tie. Anyway I got the credit and that's all that matters. Bastards. So there's today's lesson in perseverance and negotiation. Take it home with you and study, it will be on tomorrow's quiz.

Work is busy and so am I

Anyone ever seen that movie Marathon Man, when the old Nazi war criminal went to the jewelry district in New York hoping to sell a bunch of stolen diamonds, and instead got recognized by several of his former death camp victims, and he had to kill several people to create a diversion in order to escape? Well, as the practice manager for 17 clinics, my job is like that pretty much every day.
That said, I'll be making my escape tomorrow up to LA. Not that it's for anything extremely exciting or fascinating, so before you get jealous, realize 2 things:
1) It's L.A.
2) It's for a marching band festival

Yeah, I'm a dork. But I used to go watch them when I was in high school cuz they're actually pretty fun...The big sounds, the thundering bass drums, the whack of the snares, the growl of the horns...and the really really gay outfits. I'd actually like to compare what they do out here to what I've seen in NY. Plus I could say that it's not my idea and I was just invited along by the true dorks who attend this event every year. But I won't. Should be interesting regardless.
So I'm leaving tomorrow and will be back late Saturday night, just in time to drink, pass out, and wake up to go to the Chargers/Bills game, woo hoo! So you may not hear much from me on here for a few days, but don't fret. I shall return, undoubtedly with wonderfully exciting pictures of really silly looking band geeks.
I would leave you with some proverbial wisdom or inspirational quote, but I hate platitudes...and most other species of Australian wildlife.

Let Go of Your Need to Have More...just do as I say, not as I do

I should probably do less, since I'm so busy now I literally have to make plans with people 7-10 days in advance because I know what I'll be doing every night for the next week. I'm not sure I like that...but I like being busy, so go figure. The weekly line dancing outings (for those of you that missed out on that, you read it right) are definitely something I never anticipated liking, but alas it's fun and great lower body exercise, so I keep going. The wrestling club (my most recent club sport) is also great, and a great alternate to the average workout I do. But I think the Jiu-Jitsu might make or brake me...literally. Yes I said Jiu-Jitsu. One of the guys on the wrestling team has been doing it for years, introduced me to some people, and here I am. We'll have to wait and see on that one. Although I like the idea of an organized discipline that also allows me to defend myself in a real fighting situation. I took Taekwondo for a while back when I was younger, and found it completely useless. Very rarely will you find yourself in a situation where the person you're fighting will stand there and let you roundhouse kick them repeatedly. They're gonna charge you like a bull and you'll both wind up on the ground in 3 seconds. That's where the benfits of these sports come in. They're realistic and will allow you to kill your opponent in just under 12 seconds. Score! But seriously, the physical conditioning, fun, and camaraderie is worth it. So I'll let you know if I'll be scheduling any more knee surgeries or disk replacements anytime soon. It's ok, I have good health insurance.
Anyway, I think it's this strange need to always have more, more stuff, more friends, more action, more porn. Whatever it may be. But I think that when you stop needing more of everything, more of what you desire seems to arrive in your life. Since you're detached from the need for it, you find it easier to pass it along to others, because you realize how little you need in order to be satisfied and at peace. We should all try that sometime...let me know how it works out for you.

Never been to Palm Springs

So it looks like a bunch of us will be chipping in to rent a house out in Palm Springs over Thanksgiving weekend. That should be fun since I've never been to Palm Springs, and when is a weekend away with friends at a rental house ever a bad thing? Although it is worth noting that not once has any of us ever said, "Dude, you remember that time you stayed SO sober and you did all that TOTALLY rational stuff?" And in the words of Jeff, "Imagine the high quality pornography we could film in these beautiful vistas...". No worries, my blog will remain PG-13.

On another note, I was thinking about the term "friends with benefits" yesterday (don't ask me why) and decided that there needs to be a better term for this. So here are some suggestions that I'll be using from time to time instead of the boring original phrase:

-Hump Day Helper
-Pelvic Affiliate
-Coalition of the Willing
-Cumpadre

Use them if you like, they're not copyrighted...yet

Sara Silverman rocks my skull

So we went to see Sara Silverman's new movie this weekend, "Jesus is Magic". It just opened in select cities, so if you don't live in LA, San Diego, NYC, or a few other places, realize you may have to wait a bit before it gets to your podunk town. That said, I'll tell you that her comedic styling borders on genius. Not only is her material funny, but her presentation makes it twice as funny. She's rude and crude and completely tasteless, but she knows that you know the intention behind her jokes. She uses perfect timing, catching you off guard to surprise you with complete inappropriateness. And she knows you'll laugh at the ridiculousness of her statements, if for no other reason than some of them are true. She brings light to the fact that most people are biased or prejudiced or bigots about one thing or another, and she says what no one else will say. But she takes it to an obviously over-the-top level, where things just become hilarious. There's a twist of reality mixed in with a shitload of absurdity, and every moment makes you laugh to tears. As one review I read said, "She could easily preface every statement with 'Can you believe there are iodiots who think...' to avoid controversy." But she doesn't, and that's why it's great. If there's anything to be concerned about with this movie, it's at the fact that you find yourself laughing hysterically at things you know you shouldn't be laughing at...you just may begin to worry that the attitudes she portrays are likely the real attitudes of many people in this world...and that isn't funny. I think that there are two kinds of people that will see this movie...those that will appreciate her biting social commentary and caustic wit for every penny of it's worth, and those that will lose out on the irony of her statements and find it unappealing, vulgar, and inappropriate. Either way you should see it! Here are some quotes from the movie:

“I’m just sensitive. My skin is paper thin. People don’t realize it, because I’m sassy and I’m brassy, but I just— I see these CARE commercials with these little African kids with the giant bellies and the flies, and these are one- and two-year-old babies...nine months pregnant, and it breaks my heart in two. It breaks my heart...in half. And I don’t give money, because - I don’t want them to spend it on drugs, but I give. You know I give. This past summer I sent fifteen really fun cowl-neck sweaters to this village in Africa, in really fun colors—expecting nothing, by the way—and they culled their money together, whatever they call it, and bought a stamp and sent me a postcard thanking me, and it said thank you and that they had enough sweaters for every single member of the village to get one and that they were delicious.”

“I wear this St. Christopher medal sometimes because—I’m Jewish, but my boyfriend is Catholic—it was cute the way he gave it to me. He said if it doesn’t burn through my skin it will protect me.” And when we have kids I'm going to tell them, 'mommy is one of the chosen people...and daddy thinks Jesus is magic.'"

“I was raped by a doctor...which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.”

"Once you start to get in your 30's, you worry about wanting to have children. You get nervous because time is running out and it gets more dangerous to have a kid. Really, I think the best time in your life to have kids, is when you're a black teenager".

Her comedy masturbates my brain.

Airlines suck like a Dyson

Not a Hoover. A Dyson. I want one. I have no idea if they're any good, but I'm not spending $400 on a vacuum to find out. But damn that guy can make you want to buy anything. You know who I'm talking about? The Dyson guy with the muddled British/Australian accent with "the first vacuum that doesn't lose suction". He makes me feel so nice inside. I'd buy anything from him. Anyway, that's not why I'm here today.
I just need to vent because Airlines suck at prices. No other company in the world would vary their prices so widely in such a short time frame. I was trying to make flight reservations to Portland, OR to visit a friend of mine up there. I checked flights a few months ago and they were about $190...2 weeks ago they were $280, and now they're $210. Dammit! I never know when to buy the tickets cuz I always feel like right after I buy them the prices will drop in some crazy airfare war that lasts one hour and everyone will get tickets for $80. Then when I tried to buy my ticket, I went through the whole process and got the checkout, at which point they told me the fare had changed and it was now $245. Dirty whores. They know that when you spend a half hour trying to find the perfect flight at the perfect time, then miraculously finding it, you're probably not just gonna give up at the very end for $35. ARRRGHHH.
So when I was in the hardware store the other day I was thinking about something: what if they didn't sell paint anymore? you could only get it from Delta or Northwest. Here's my transcript of this scenario:

Me: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
Me: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Me: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Me: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
Me: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Me: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Me: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding.
Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.
Me: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it.
Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have anymore $12 paint.
Me: The price went up as we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?
Me: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have enough.
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.
Me: WHAT?
Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and master bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.
Me: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it.
Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.
Me: I suppose something terrible happens if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night?
Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the$200 paint.
Me: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a gallon" signs?
Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.
Me: To hell with this. I'll buy what I need somewhere else.
Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.
Me: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.
Me: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.
Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.
Me: You're insane.
Clerk: Thanks for painting with United.

We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us. Why is that?

A timeless classic, for sure

So I was flipping channels earlier tonight, something that I do less and less often lately. I think I should be happy, even proud, that I no longer have time to sit around and watch countless hours of tv. The flip side to this is that being so busy outside of work can actually be tiring. I'm happy my life isn't encompassed by mindless sitcoms and reality tv (although Trading Spouses tonight was priceless...if you saw it you know what I'm talkin about), but on occasion I couldn't be happier just sitting at home and relaxing. Sometimes it's a book and sometimes it's tv. I took a nap, made some dinner, and turned on the tube...tonight it was a perusal of the HBO channels, which leads me to my point. I came across Alien vs. Predator. I'm not talking about the daily struggle in Michael Jackson's head, I'm talkin about action movie. This mind-blowing epic pits 2 classic movie characters against each other: the alien from the movie "Alien", and the predator from the movie "Annie". Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.
So in a search for remnants of ancient civilizations, a group of scientists set off for the frozen lands of Antarctica. There, they are entangled in a fight between two races of extra terrestrial life forms. Woo hoo I'm hooked! Clash of the Titans...the ultimate fight between two mighty species! If that's what's in your imagination, then that's about where the fun ends. And let me tell you why. I'm all about the good action flicks, but this was just lame.
First of all, the Predators (ritualistic, savage, yet highly advanced aliens - think NFL players with knives and built-in radar) apparently like to come to Antarctica to hunt; but as penguins and unfortunate whalers don't provide enough of a challenge, it turns out Aliens have been 'embedded' in the catacombs, ready to literally 'burst out' when the time comes. On the other hand, a scientific expedition inexplicably given to firing loud flares, carrying guns and shouting 'Hey you guys, come over here!' whilst standing near dark tunnels practically screams 'Monster Hiding Place'. And of course you have all the usual suspects...there's the strong, assertive Afro-American lady, the scared guy, the over-confident guy, the scientist.
Also, the camera work blew ass. You can't enjoy a movie if you get vertigo and want to throw up 10 minutes in. The cuts of the battle scenes are far too quick to recognize anything – they could've saved the money and shown a black screen with some 'uh', 'ouch', 'kaboom' and 'inkelklink'.
Second, the predators died far to easy. One didn't even get to fight an alien, he just got sneak attacked. I think the director had an opposite unfair bias. Some how the first two predators get killed in about a five minute space by aliens one of which seems to have picked up the predators talent of turning invisible. The next tragic part of the film is that the only living predator and the female heroine of the movie fall in love (what?!) so the predator saves her life and makes her a weapon from a dead aliens tail and a shield from an aliens head. Oh I see where we're going with this! Oh wait, no, I fucking don't.
The ending, which I will only not explain for the sole reason that you just have to see the stupidity yourself... is like finding a dead rat at the bottom of your popcorn box: a case of how the hell did that get there.
Barring the plot holes you could sail the titanic through, I must say that the action is well done. The special effects were ok considering the low budget, and this is really the only saving grace of the movie. But Matrix style flo-mo shots of face huggers leaping were a bad call and I burst out laughing at that point. These guys are supposed to be scary and fast, not suspended in space and rotating around like Neo. My only hope is that the director was purposefully trying to make a joke there.
Suspense, a plot, believability, horror, romance, drama, character development, realism, good dialogues...are all things you will find in movies that aren't this one.
It would've been a better movie with the Goonies. Imagine the setup: A pyramid full of traps and moving passageways and some grotesques in hot pursuit - Chunk, Data, Mikey, Mouth and the older ones whose names I can't remember too well and before you can say 'the jungle came alive and took him' you've got yourself an excellent two hours. Its the kind of risk that could have paid dividends - The Predator hesitates on killing Chunk because of his amusing anecdote about vomiting into Mikey's lunchbox after stuffing his face with donuts, a Data/Alien face-off in which the bitch is brought down by a poison dart attached to a spring and Mouth single-handedly talking down a facehugger. The more I think about it the more disappointed I feel about the version that made it to the screen - overblown, underplotted, poorly conceived characters, not one good joke and, worst of all, no chance to enter your high score over the end credits.
Overall it wasn't as bad as say, a lobotomy, but on that note the "fighting" could be construed by some as "mindless fun". Just don't rent it, or waste a Netflix pic on it. Catch it on HBO if you can (and want to).

Try it, it's fun!

So upon recommendation of Ryan, I tried this fun with Google. Go to Google and type in your name and the word "needs" in quotations. For example "Adam needs" - and then you just give us the first 10 or so sentences that you run across. Here are mine..I threw in #11 cuz it was funny.

1) Adam needs to shower
2) Adam needs a lot more help than all of us combined could ever give him
3) Adam needs to become less robotic and more creative in his play
4) Adam needs serious help before he snaps
5) Adam needs help!
6) Adam needs a sidekick
7) Adam needs to find out if there is a reason that he is drinking
8) Adam needs very firm rules, expectations, limits, and consequences
9) Adam needs to be woken gently at 7:35am
10) Adam needs to eat his carrots
11) Adam needs extensive counseling for his anger, frustration and depression. Without it, he might end up in the juvenile-justice system.

I couldn't agree more...

Halloween craziness

Halloween is confusing. When I pepper-spray trick-or-treaters, do I score that as a trick on the kids or as a treat for me?
Well anyway, here are some pics from 3 separate events from Halloween weekend. The first is the Friday night Costume Cruise that we went on, hosted by AJ's Playhouse, the morning radio show on channel 93.3. The second is the office party we had at work, and the third is the costume party we went to on Halloween night. That was a work night, which is the reason for the post I put up about how horrible I felt on Tuesday. Definitely shouldn't have had that much to drink, but hey, you only live once.

San Diego skyline from the Halloween Costume Cruise. Ahhh, so pretty.

Laura as her 60's hippie, and me as the "cereal killer". You can't see my bloody spoon (as opposed to a bloody knife...get it?!), but you'll see more pics of me later. I spent a good 30% of the night helping people figure out what I was...it was mostly dumb blondes that couldn't get it. I even went so far as to make a stabbing motion with my bloody spoon, and show her the sign on my back that says Killer. She guessed that I was a bunch of bloody cereal that had exploded. Yes, that's it. Get your tubes tied, idiot.

It actually took Laura and I a while to determine if that woman was really a woman. It was a close call for a while, but eventually we called it a real girl.

Jessie, the producer from the AJ's Playhouse morning show, dressed as Zach from Saved by the Bell. He's even got the books...although I'm not sure Zach would've carried around books. AJ went as Screech, and the rest of the morning show were other characters from that show.

Rainbow Bright, the winner of the costume contest.

Shrek and Fiona

Me, AJ, and Laura

Laura grabbing Screech's ass.

Laura and a Fireman

The cocktail waitresses aren't doing a very good job of serving the beer.

Gotta love an organization that doesn't take everything too seriously. Here's the start of the office Halloween party pics. That's one of the windows in my office.

Don't let the smile fool ya...this cereal killer is one badass.

That's right, I'm special.

Winner of Best Food, also doubling as a birthday cake for Robyn.

2nd place winner of Best Food, this spider cake was mighty good.

Hehe

Some of the food people brought in for the party.

My office door

A look inside my office.

The party in full effect