Please, for the love of God. Read it. Do it.

Some of you...only some of you, but you know who you are, need to read this. Thank you.


http://wiki.ehow.com/Defeat-a-MySpace-Addiction

Create your own!

Saw a commercial for these on Comedy Central tonight.
Thought it was pretty funny. You can even make your own captions for each figurine and send it to someone. I took that opportunity to change the already mildly humorous standard captions. For instance, the one with the guy holding the sleeve of pictures now says, "Hey Bill, check out my kiddie porn collection!". Yeah that's my brain, hard at work. Make your own, send them to friends and coworkers. Enjoy.

Life Lessons

They do come true!

Twenty-one years ago I wished upon a star. Today, the Thumbelina doll I asked for finally showed up. And you know what that means? I'M GETTIN' A PONY!!!!

I think I'll stick with my job

So I came across a friend's away message earlier tonight and thought it was pretty interesting. I'll keep him nameless for now, but as soon as I paste it in here, he and/or anyone who knows him will know pretty soon who I'm talking about. Especially when I tell you that he's a PhD student at a very good university. But regardless, it took about 2 seconds for me to be pretty happy with my job situation.

"grading. I am growing to hate grading. why can't I just graduate soon. There is no end in site. oh god, just make my experiments work so I can graduate sometime in the next 3 years, pllllllease."

Now, one way to interpret this is to say he's so tired of grad school that he doesn't even want to have to capitalize all the nececssary words in his sentences. Another way to interpret it is that it's an AIM away message and who gives a shit about grammar. Well, either way, it helped me realize, when I wasn't even thinking about it, that there are definitely pros and cons to grad school versus a full-time job. But given all the crap that I went through in grad school, particularly surrounding being a TA and grading (I feel ya, buddy!), I would definitely stick with my job right now. I get lots of time off, have a nice corner top floor office, get to travel, work with great people..oh, and basically live in a city that's some Ohio family's postcard. Dealing with 200 complaining dipshit college freshmen isn't on my list of fun activities, so I think I'll stay right where I am. Thanks man for making my day a bit brighter...even if it was at your expense =)

Is the Navy for me?

This being San Diego, I thought it might be interesting to take a day to simulate what it would be like to be in the Navy, if in fact I had any desire to live such a life. I mean, everyone I know that's in the Navy does practically nothing, drinks a lot, has large housing stipends and nice cars. So I decided to put it to the test.

Question: Is Navy life for me?

I cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of my bed. I added a roof that prevents me from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance for anyone else who wants to try this) then placed it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. I then placed a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of someone else's socks.
I've also ensured that the water heater is connected to a device that provides water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak trickle, with the temperature alternating rapidly from -2 to 95 deg C. Then on occasion I smash my forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to simulate collision injuries sustained onboard Navy ships.

Answer: NO

Hmm

Has anybody else noticed that after you do at least five shots of tequila, you can think more clearly, find the goodness in all people, throw darts more accurately and... hey! Someone dropped a perfectly good peanut on the bathroom floor! Yummm-may!

Murphy's Law of roommates

To continue the neverending saga of my roommate issues, he decided last night around 1:30am (technically this morning) that he wanted to make some fucking prepackaged Japanese food. Only he never checked to see if the bowl the food came packaged in was microwave safe. He just stuck it in there, put it on 4 minutes and went back to his room. I only know this was the progression of his actions because he told me when I woke up to a fire alarm and a cloud of smoke enveloping me. Can you guess if the bowl was microwave safe or not?
My first action was to attempt to breathe, but the smoke had filled the apartment to the point of not being able to see anything...except the red dot on the smoke alarm in the ceiling. I stood on the couch and reached up to try and stop the incessant, ear piercing noise which was endoubtedly waking up every neighbor between here and Laguna. Only the alarm was hard wired into the ceiling, not one of those shitty K-Mart 9-volt operated ones. I had no way to stop it other than physically ripping it from the ceiling, which is what I did. There are currently open wires hanging from my living room ceiling.
By this time I was coughing uncontrollably in the smoke and had to run out of the apartment. I ran back in, thinking only to grab the coat rack by the entrance, which was filled with all of my jackets and sweatshirts. At least I saved all those items from smoke damage.
I ran around to the front of the house, into my sliding patio door to my bedroom where I added another layer of wet towel to my bedroom door. I grabbed my keys, jumped back out the patio, and told my roommate to deal with the mess he created. I was so pissed I couldnt even stand to be around him, let alone the horrible smoke.
I drove away and crashed on a friend's couch until this morning, where instead of going to work, I came back home to take a shower and get some fresh clothes. Only there aren't many fresh clothes, and much of my stuff managed to get infiltrated by the smoke. The living room, dining room, and kitchen are currently uninhabitable due to the unbearable smell, and the microwave is now just a broken, burned square shell. Luckily there doesnt seem to be much visible damage to the rest of the kitchen, although you can smell my apartment from a block away.
There's currently a fan blowing on high with the front door wide open, but that's the best my roommate could come up with at this point. I've already told him he's buying me a new microwave tomorrow, and if the smell doesn't go away he's paying for a steam cleaning of the whole place.
And of course what I thought the funniest part of all of this was...he actually asked me last night as the place was up in smoke, "Dude does your microwave have some kind of high power setting that I don't know about? I didn't think it would've done this."
-Yes, Scott. It in fact does have a high powered setting. It's called "Start". When you hit that button, it tends to get very high powered inside. In some cases, it even gets hot inside that little closed door! What a fucking idiot.
If anyone has any good methods of getting smoke smell out of EVERYTHING, please let me know....and if you also happen to have a good method of getting away with murder, I'd like to have those tips as well.

It's just the way it goes

Sometimes when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes when you're in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes when you're worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes when you're happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE fuckin time when there's nobody in your office, and suddenly 6 people rush in to ask you something!
I need a lock on my door.