It's a Jako-full life: January 2005

What do you do while drugged and on the couch? Watch tv, of course.

I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was, that started with the word "Dude".

"Dude, these are Isotpoes."
"Dude, we removed your kidney, you're gonna be fine."
"Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin and Turtle and all my homies."

Still recovering from surgery

I like fruit baskets, because a fruit basket enables you to mail somebody fruit without appearing insane. If you just mail someone some apples they're like, "what the hell is this?!". But if you put those apples in a basket, they're like, "this is nice!".

Getting teeth pulled kinda sucks

So today is Saturday, one day after I had 3 wisdom teeth ripped from my gums in an hour-long dental adventure. Although the process wasn't painful, as I was heavily numbed throughout my whole face, I was nevertheless awake and fully conscious for the whole exciting event. The office I go to is quite state-of-the art, which alleviated any concerns I had regarding quality, but raised some regarding the price I was paying for the operation. But I did some research, and my rate was pretty damn good for what I had done. All the exam rooms have music pumped into them through the walls, and each music is tailored to the patient's preferences. This was nice and soothing, although I can't help but wonder if it was designed in an attempt to comfort patients or drown out the screaming coming from other rooms. Based on my experience, I'd say it's the former, because no immediate pain was involved for me. In fact, I got to watch tv and listen to frank sinatra as the dentist carved my mouth open with a drill. The splash guard they gave me was a nice touch as well. Although he called it a "water guard", I called him out on that one. Who knew I bled water? Last night sucked, though. As I drove home, the drugs started to wear off, and I rushed to the drug store to pick up my pain medication. Luckily, I mentioned before my surgery that I had a pain tolerance about on par with that of a 6 year-old girl, and was given the strongest form of prescription Vicodin available. Needless to say, I am currently under the impression that I am the God of light and night-time is just my way of playing a practical joke on those who can't afford electricity.
More to come when I am of sound mind and can chew solid food.

Buick Invitational at Torrey Pines

Ahhh, my very first PGA tour event, and it just so happens to be in January. Go figure. But what great fun. Walked around for 6 hours, but what else would you expect at a golf event? It actually got kind of chilly at one point during the day (yes, it occasionally does get colder than 70 in San Diego), so I bought myself a damn nice golf jacket with Torrey Pines and Buick Invitational stitched into the fabric. It was also very cool to see Tiger Woods, especially when he walked right in front of me. But man, that guy's more serious than a chemical burn. We watched him tee off several times, and when he shanked a tee shot left and into the rough, he started swearing outloud and dug his club into the ground. He definitely wasnt to be messed with at that point. But on the next hole, we happened to be standing right next to the green when he chipped right into the hole from the bunker 20 feet away...that put a big smile on Tiger's face...as did eventually winning the tournament.
I also ran into Vijay Singh, almost literally. We were walking around the golf paths after play had ended for the day, and I wasnt looking straight ahead and almost walked right into, who was coming from the other direction. For those of you who don't follow golf, you could probably care less, but for me, walking straight into Vijay Singh was a very excellent part of my day. He's quite tall, and was walking by himself with no security or anything. I actually didnt think it was him at first, then when I realized it was, I almost blurted out something stupid and trite along the lines of "way to play today, buddy" accompanied by a small pat on the back. However, my brain worked quickly that day, and I thought to myself, "what if he played like shit today? he's gonna think I'm an asshole". As it turns out, Vijay shit the bed on that days round, and I was later happy that I said nothing congratulatory to him at the time. I may have been hurt.
But I have to say, the most fun I had wasnt being around Tiger or almost insulting Vijay, it was watching John Daly tee off. If you golf, you know the sheer impossibility for any of us to hit the ball 300+ yards off the tee. To see Daly do it even once is a sight to see, that's for sure. The largest crowd at the whole tournement, besides the insane people following Tiger like a bunch of puppies, was the one watching Daly tee off. Boy, if you think the camera adds 10 pounds, it doesnt. Daly really is a fat bastard. But it obviously works to his advantage. All in all, it was a great day for mid January.
And if you're wondering why I have no pics of this wonderful day, it's because the PGA has more restrictions than a rehab clinic and allowed no cameras, cell phones, purses, bags, drinks, arms, legs, or clothes into the event. But rest assured, the pictures in my head are really good.
Sorry to anyone back on the east coast reading this shortly before/after you dig yourselves out of a 4 foot snowdrift.

START READING HERE! SAN DIEGO AUTO SHOW

I've posted the last few happenings so that you can start reading from here at the top. I think it's easier that way. The latest in Sunny Daygo was the International Auto Show at the San Diego convention center. I went with 2 guys from the house I've stayed in since I moved out here, Craig and Jeff. We had a blast, and Craig almost got us kicked out several times, cuz that's Craig....but what fun would it be otherwise? Giddeeyup!

Craig, me, and Jeff, starting off the auto show with a bang...Craig was too busy celebrating the start of the auto show and sweating under the arms that he forgot to hang on to me. I almost fell backwards right onto that railing behind me. What the hell is wrong with us? Didn't Craig wear deodorant? Wow we're dumbasses. And that's an ugly Jeep.

Porsche Carrera GT. $450,000. I saw one of these in La Jolla (a town a few minutes from me in San Diego, for those of you unaware) and immediately pulled over and got out of my car to go look at it. The owner was there and was nice enough to show me the whole car, the engine, and let me sit in it. He started it up for me too, which scared the shit out of me. This car rocks my skull.

The amazing Chrysler ME Four Twelve. 850HP and 850lb ft of torque. AHHH!!!! When they took this out on a test track with Car and Driver magazine, the driver said they managed to get this up to 208MPH....but havent gotten around to using the last 2 gears yet, HAHAHA. It sucks that such an awesome looking car is a Chrysler and most likely a piece of shit.

The back of the ME Four Twelve. How much piss would fill your pants if you saw this in front of you at a red light? Well, the answer to that for me is a LOT. It really is a shame this has to be a Chrysler product.

Ferrari 360 Spyder

Oh so smooth. The new Ferrari 612 Scaglietti.

Bentley Continental GT

Lambo Murcielago. Look at how little of that car is seating and how much is engine. Shitballs!

2005 Rolls Royce Phantom. Wow.

Sont know if you can see this, clearly, but basically it tells you that the Phantom will run you $336,000

The ungodly fast Mercedes Benz SL 65. This car, so seemingly unassuming, has more horsepower and torque than every Lamborghini and Ferrari but one. WHAT?

Thats the car I want. '05 Benz C55 AMG. 389HP, fast as shit with 4 doors and leather. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Ford GT. Dammmmmmn

Ford GT

Sweet Aston Martin Vanquish. $240,000. Notice the security and railings. Nobody touched this bad boy.

Craig sitting in the backseat of a stock Mazda RX-8. Hmmm, maybe not the best car for him...although he does seem pretty content back there. He had to rip open the back of the car like the incredible hulk just to get out of there.

Thank God for the guys, otherwise this Hummer H2 wouldve easily crashed to the ground.

I'm in the drivers seat and Craig is 4 feet away in the Passenger seat of this Hummer H1. This is one wide-ass truck.

The nitrous tank in the back of a Hummer. Just kidding. It's a Hydrogen power cell. Cant wait till one of these blows up.

The hot spokeswoman for the new Chevy Nomad. What you cant see in this picture is Craig. He walked around that see-through backdrop glass behind the car and proceeded to smudge his whole face against the windows while the poor woman was giving her presentation. Shortly after this he went and got in a passenger van and proceeded to rock it back and forth as hard as he could. I think he made a 6 year-old cry.

The Hummer H2 Hydrogen truck.

Craig, Jeff and I decided to squeeze into the backseat of a Chevy Aveo to see if all those "it's bigger than you think" commercials they have for it are true. They're not. The car sucks. And the backseat is small as hell.