I guess you can't blame 'em

I've found a new appreciation for people that try to learn the English language. We think it's so easy compared to other languages like Chinese and German, but consider what this must look like to someone who doesn't know better if I said this...

I used to be a farmer, where I would produce produce. And to help with planting,
I taught my sow to sow. It wasn’t a great sow, but it could lead if it would get
the lead out. Well I hurt myself one day and was offered a bandage. I did not
object to this object, and wound it around the wound. I had to go to the hospital,
but I don’t like them because they always subject the subject to a series of tests.
After a number of injections my leg got number. Later, I found out that my
insurance was invalid because I was an invalid. I got another job as a sewer,
but while walking to work fell down the sewer. It just wasn’t fair, I wanted to
go to the fair! Well, I was well taken care of by my doctor, so I thought that
since there’s no time like the present, it was time to present my present to him.
It was a kite, but the wind was too strong to wind it properly. It began to tear,
and I shed a small tear. 

Do you see what I’m saying? How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

The new Tahoe is great!

So Chevrolet is doing this fantastic new competition called Chevy Apprentice where you make your own commercial for the new Chevy Tahoe SUV using their nifty flash site they have set up. Pick your scenes and type in whatever you want for each little video clip. Like this.
The funny thing about it is that from what I've read, the site is mainly being used by activists and ecological conservationists, protesting yet another SUV marketing campaign. Either way, it's fun to be a creative smart ass. Try it out for yourself!

Hmmm

Does it mean I have a drinking problem if yesterday I found myself wishing there were colors of wine for every food, not just meat and fish?

Los Angeles: Fun to visit, shitty to live in

So I just spent the last 5 days in LA for work. Worked 12 hour days, even on Saturday. On the bright side, most of my expenses were covered, including my badass hotel with the 34th floor revolving lounge.
I think I slept better in their "Heavenly Bed", as they call it, than I have in years at home. King sized with 5 down pillows and a down comforter, oh it was heavenly alright. It was cool to be able to spend a bit of my off-time exploring the city, WeHo, Westwood, Santa Monica. I think the most interesting part of the trip had to be our excursion to Westwood (by UCLA campus) for the locally famous Diddy Riese cookies, where you can not only get cookies, but ice cream as well...and if you so choose, get the ice cream in between 2 cookies. Genius! It's located right across the street from the Fox theater, where they happened to be having the premiere of the new shitty movie Benchwarmers. Red carpet, limos, and security everywhere. While standing on the sidewalk in line for my cookies, we got asked to move aside by a security guard with an earpiece in his ear. I turned around and right there on the curb was a big black Suburban with Schwarzenegger in the front passenger seat. Apparently he and the family wanted some cookies before the movie. Maria Shriver and their kids got out of the back seat and actually waited in line behind me. Arnie stayed in the truck, but rolled down the window to tell them what he wanted to eat. It was a bit strange seeing the Terminator right next to me, yelling "Chaahcolut chip een a shooogah cone!" I think he's making up for all those years of healthy food and bodybuilding.
While most of my trip was work, I had some good meals, went to some good bars, and saw a celebrity or two. Definitely fun for a few days, but no way in hell I could live in that city. Rush hour traffic was so bad I stopped twice to make car payments. Nobody signals, which I suppose is convenient for them considering they're all out of free hands...with one holding their cell phone and the other changing the radio station, who has time to flip the turn signal on? And forget about the fact that southern californians' brains immediately turn to mush when it starts to rain. Car? What's a car? Drive? How do I do that? My drive home last night to San Diego, which would normally have been 1 hr 50 minutes, turned into a rain-filled, accident-laden 4hr and 12 minute nightmare teeming with idiots who think that coefficient of friction ceases to exist in their Nissan Sentra (a.k.a. Speed, swerve, spin, crash). No I'm not kidding, I saw it happen twice. So I'm now safely back to work in Sunny Daygo, foot loose and smog-free. Yay.