A timeless classic, for sure
So I was flipping channels earlier tonight, something that I do less and less often lately. I think I should be happy, even proud, that I no longer have time to sit around and watch countless hours of tv. The flip side to this is that being so busy outside of work can actually be tiring. I'm happy my life isn't encompassed by mindless sitcoms and reality tv (although Trading Spouses tonight was priceless...if you saw it you know what I'm talkin about), but on occasion I couldn't be happier just sitting at home and relaxing. Sometimes it's a book and sometimes it's tv. I took a nap, made some dinner, and turned on the tube...tonight it was a perusal of the HBO channels, which leads me to my point. I came across Alien vs. Predator. I'm not talking about the daily struggle in Michael Jackson's head, I'm talkin about action movie. This mind-blowing epic pits 2 classic movie characters against each other: the alien from the movie "Alien", and the predator from the movie "Annie". Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.
So in a search for remnants of ancient civilizations, a group of scientists set off for the frozen lands of Antarctica. There, they are entangled in a fight between two races of extra terrestrial life forms. Woo hoo I'm hooked! Clash of the Titans...the ultimate fight between two mighty species! If that's what's in your imagination, then that's about where the fun ends. And let me tell you why. I'm all about the good action flicks, but this was just lame.
First of all, the Predators (ritualistic, savage, yet highly advanced aliens - think NFL players with knives and built-in radar) apparently like to come to Antarctica to hunt; but as penguins and unfortunate whalers don't provide enough of a challenge, it turns out Aliens have been 'embedded' in the catacombs, ready to literally 'burst out' when the time comes. On the other hand, a scientific expedition inexplicably given to firing loud flares, carrying guns and shouting 'Hey you guys, come over here!' whilst standing near dark tunnels practically screams 'Monster Hiding Place'. And of course you have all the usual suspects...there's the strong, assertive Afro-American lady, the scared guy, the over-confident guy, the scientist.
Also, the camera work blew ass. You can't enjoy a movie if you get vertigo and want to throw up 10 minutes in. The cuts of the battle scenes are far too quick to recognize anything – they could've saved the money and shown a black screen with some 'uh', 'ouch', 'kaboom' and 'inkelklink'.
Second, the predators died far to easy. One didn't even get to fight an alien, he just got sneak attacked. I think the director had an opposite unfair bias. Some how the first two predators get killed in about a five minute space by aliens one of which seems to have picked up the predators talent of turning invisible. The next tragic part of the film is that the only living predator and the female heroine of the movie fall in love (what?!) so the predator saves her life and makes her a weapon from a dead aliens tail and a shield from an aliens head. Oh I see where we're going with this! Oh wait, no, I fucking don't.
The ending, which I will only not explain for the sole reason that you just have to see the stupidity yourself... is like finding a dead rat at the bottom of your popcorn box: a case of how the hell did that get there.
Barring the plot holes you could sail the titanic through, I must say that the action is well done. The special effects were ok considering the low budget, and this is really the only saving grace of the movie. But Matrix style flo-mo shots of face huggers leaping were a bad call and I burst out laughing at that point. These guys are supposed to be scary and fast, not suspended in space and rotating around like Neo. My only hope is that the director was purposefully trying to make a joke there.
Suspense, a plot, believability, horror, romance, drama, character development, realism, good dialogues...are all things you will find in movies that aren't this one.
It would've been a better movie with the Goonies. Imagine the setup: A pyramid full of traps and moving passageways and some grotesques in hot pursuit - Chunk, Data, Mikey, Mouth and the older ones whose names I can't remember too well and before you can say 'the jungle came alive and took him' you've got yourself an excellent two hours. Its the kind of risk that could have paid dividends - The Predator hesitates on killing Chunk because of his amusing anecdote about vomiting into Mikey's lunchbox after stuffing his face with donuts, a Data/Alien face-off in which the bitch is brought down by a poison dart attached to a spring and Mouth single-handedly talking down a facehugger. The more I think about it the more disappointed I feel about the version that made it to the screen - overblown, underplotted, poorly conceived characters, not one good joke and, worst of all, no chance to enter your high score over the end credits.
Overall it wasn't as bad as say, a lobotomy, but on that note the "fighting" could be construed by some as "mindless fun". Just don't rent it, or waste a Netflix pic on it. Catch it on HBO if you can (and want to).
So in a search for remnants of ancient civilizations, a group of scientists set off for the frozen lands of Antarctica. There, they are entangled in a fight between two races of extra terrestrial life forms. Woo hoo I'm hooked! Clash of the Titans...the ultimate fight between two mighty species! If that's what's in your imagination, then that's about where the fun ends. And let me tell you why. I'm all about the good action flicks, but this was just lame.
First of all, the Predators (ritualistic, savage, yet highly advanced aliens - think NFL players with knives and built-in radar) apparently like to come to Antarctica to hunt; but as penguins and unfortunate whalers don't provide enough of a challenge, it turns out Aliens have been 'embedded' in the catacombs, ready to literally 'burst out' when the time comes. On the other hand, a scientific expedition inexplicably given to firing loud flares, carrying guns and shouting 'Hey you guys, come over here!' whilst standing near dark tunnels practically screams 'Monster Hiding Place'. And of course you have all the usual suspects...there's the strong, assertive Afro-American lady, the scared guy, the over-confident guy, the scientist.
Also, the camera work blew ass. You can't enjoy a movie if you get vertigo and want to throw up 10 minutes in. The cuts of the battle scenes are far too quick to recognize anything – they could've saved the money and shown a black screen with some 'uh', 'ouch', 'kaboom' and 'inkelklink'.
Second, the predators died far to easy. One didn't even get to fight an alien, he just got sneak attacked. I think the director had an opposite unfair bias. Some how the first two predators get killed in about a five minute space by aliens one of which seems to have picked up the predators talent of turning invisible. The next tragic part of the film is that the only living predator and the female heroine of the movie fall in love (what?!) so the predator saves her life and makes her a weapon from a dead aliens tail and a shield from an aliens head. Oh I see where we're going with this! Oh wait, no, I fucking don't.
The ending, which I will only not explain for the sole reason that you just have to see the stupidity yourself... is like finding a dead rat at the bottom of your popcorn box: a case of how the hell did that get there.
Barring the plot holes you could sail the titanic through, I must say that the action is well done. The special effects were ok considering the low budget, and this is really the only saving grace of the movie. But Matrix style flo-mo shots of face huggers leaping were a bad call and I burst out laughing at that point. These guys are supposed to be scary and fast, not suspended in space and rotating around like Neo. My only hope is that the director was purposefully trying to make a joke there.
Suspense, a plot, believability, horror, romance, drama, character development, realism, good dialogues...are all things you will find in movies that aren't this one.
It would've been a better movie with the Goonies. Imagine the setup: A pyramid full of traps and moving passageways and some grotesques in hot pursuit - Chunk, Data, Mikey, Mouth and the older ones whose names I can't remember too well and before you can say 'the jungle came alive and took him' you've got yourself an excellent two hours. Its the kind of risk that could have paid dividends - The Predator hesitates on killing Chunk because of his amusing anecdote about vomiting into Mikey's lunchbox after stuffing his face with donuts, a Data/Alien face-off in which the bitch is brought down by a poison dart attached to a spring and Mouth single-handedly talking down a facehugger. The more I think about it the more disappointed I feel about the version that made it to the screen - overblown, underplotted, poorly conceived characters, not one good joke and, worst of all, no chance to enter your high score over the end credits.
Overall it wasn't as bad as say, a lobotomy, but on that note the "fighting" could be construed by some as "mindless fun". Just don't rent it, or waste a Netflix pic on it. Catch it on HBO if you can (and want to).
posted by Adam J at 8:56 PM
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