Murphy's Law of roommates
To continue the neverending saga of my roommate issues, he decided last night around 1:30am (technically this morning) that he wanted to make some fucking prepackaged Japanese food. Only he never checked to see if the bowl the food came packaged in was microwave safe. He just stuck it in there, put it on 4 minutes and went back to his room. I only know this was the progression of his actions because he told me when I woke up to a fire alarm and a cloud of smoke enveloping me. Can you guess if the bowl was microwave safe or not?
My first action was to attempt to breathe, but the smoke had filled the apartment to the point of not being able to see anything...except the red dot on the smoke alarm in the ceiling. I stood on the couch and reached up to try and stop the incessant, ear piercing noise which was endoubtedly waking up every neighbor between here and Laguna. Only the alarm was hard wired into the ceiling, not one of those shitty K-Mart 9-volt operated ones. I had no way to stop it other than physically ripping it from the ceiling, which is what I did. There are currently open wires hanging from my living room ceiling.
By this time I was coughing uncontrollably in the smoke and had to run out of the apartment. I ran back in, thinking only to grab the coat rack by the entrance, which was filled with all of my jackets and sweatshirts. At least I saved all those items from smoke damage.
I ran around to the front of the house, into my sliding patio door to my bedroom where I added another layer of wet towel to my bedroom door. I grabbed my keys, jumped back out the patio, and told my roommate to deal with the mess he created. I was so pissed I couldnt even stand to be around him, let alone the horrible smoke.
I drove away and crashed on a friend's couch until this morning, where instead of going to work, I came back home to take a shower and get some fresh clothes. Only there aren't many fresh clothes, and much of my stuff managed to get infiltrated by the smoke. The living room, dining room, and kitchen are currently uninhabitable due to the unbearable smell, and the microwave is now just a broken, burned square shell. Luckily there doesnt seem to be much visible damage to the rest of the kitchen, although you can smell my apartment from a block away.
There's currently a fan blowing on high with the front door wide open, but that's the best my roommate could come up with at this point. I've already told him he's buying me a new microwave tomorrow, and if the smell doesn't go away he's paying for a steam cleaning of the whole place.
And of course what I thought the funniest part of all of this was...he actually asked me last night as the place was up in smoke, "Dude does your microwave have some kind of high power setting that I don't know about? I didn't think it would've done this."
-Yes, Scott. It in fact does have a high powered setting. It's called "Start". When you hit that button, it tends to get very high powered inside. In some cases, it even gets hot inside that little closed door! What a fucking idiot.
If anyone has any good methods of getting smoke smell out of EVERYTHING, please let me know....and if you also happen to have a good method of getting away with murder, I'd like to have those tips as well.
My first action was to attempt to breathe, but the smoke had filled the apartment to the point of not being able to see anything...except the red dot on the smoke alarm in the ceiling. I stood on the couch and reached up to try and stop the incessant, ear piercing noise which was endoubtedly waking up every neighbor between here and Laguna. Only the alarm was hard wired into the ceiling, not one of those shitty K-Mart 9-volt operated ones. I had no way to stop it other than physically ripping it from the ceiling, which is what I did. There are currently open wires hanging from my living room ceiling.
By this time I was coughing uncontrollably in the smoke and had to run out of the apartment. I ran back in, thinking only to grab the coat rack by the entrance, which was filled with all of my jackets and sweatshirts. At least I saved all those items from smoke damage.
I ran around to the front of the house, into my sliding patio door to my bedroom where I added another layer of wet towel to my bedroom door. I grabbed my keys, jumped back out the patio, and told my roommate to deal with the mess he created. I was so pissed I couldnt even stand to be around him, let alone the horrible smoke.
I drove away and crashed on a friend's couch until this morning, where instead of going to work, I came back home to take a shower and get some fresh clothes. Only there aren't many fresh clothes, and much of my stuff managed to get infiltrated by the smoke. The living room, dining room, and kitchen are currently uninhabitable due to the unbearable smell, and the microwave is now just a broken, burned square shell. Luckily there doesnt seem to be much visible damage to the rest of the kitchen, although you can smell my apartment from a block away.
There's currently a fan blowing on high with the front door wide open, but that's the best my roommate could come up with at this point. I've already told him he's buying me a new microwave tomorrow, and if the smell doesn't go away he's paying for a steam cleaning of the whole place.
And of course what I thought the funniest part of all of this was...he actually asked me last night as the place was up in smoke, "Dude does your microwave have some kind of high power setting that I don't know about? I didn't think it would've done this."
-Yes, Scott. It in fact does have a high powered setting. It's called "Start". When you hit that button, it tends to get very high powered inside. In some cases, it even gets hot inside that little closed door! What a fucking idiot.
If anyone has any good methods of getting smoke smell out of EVERYTHING, please let me know....and if you also happen to have a good method of getting away with murder, I'd like to have those tips as well.
posted by Adam J at 11:41 AM
4 Comments:
sadly this law student is not well versed in murder charge evasion. perhaps you could style it somehow to look like involuntary manslaughter. that'd get you a lesser sentence at least.
as for the smoke smell, the best thing i could suggest, aside from laundering them, is hanging them in your bathroom and running the hot water for about thirty minutes at least. just don't forget to close the vents. this is assuming that by infiltrated you mean not directly in the path of smoke as it's spewing forth.
i'd just make your roomie pay for everything to be steam/dry cleaned
Roommate blood is much easier to get out of the carpets then the smell of blood.
Just saying.
...then the smell of smoke.
I mean.
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