Tonight only! Uncle Dickie's Shameless Quickies!

Featuring Dino "Calmer than you are, dude" Rivera on Air Guitar.

$15 at the door, $10 with needle exchange. No assault rifles allowed; Pants required.

Presented by Squishy Rusty's Pre-Owned Trampolines.

-----One day, that will be the poster advertising my world-famous band.

Speaking of bands, I was doing some research on band names, and just in case you had similar ambitions, the following names have, in fact, already been taken:

Albino Toilet Boys
Alcoholocaust
Alcoholics Unanimous
Biff Hitler and the Violent Mood Swings
The Band Formerly Known As Sausage
Band Over
Barbara's Bush
Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children MacNuggits
Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre·
Bulimia Banquet
Cindy Brady's Lisp
The 4-Skins
Gefilte Joe and the Fish
Gonoreagan
Herpes Cineplex
HIV and the Positives
Honest Bob and the Factory to Dealer Incentives
Jehovah's Witness Protection Program
Jesus Christ Super Fly
Jesus Chrysler Supercar
Kathleen Turner Overdrive
Pabst Smear
Penis DeMilo
Shirley Temple of Doom
Willie Nelson Mandela
Yoko Homo