Bitter turkey!

Did you know that the government will be requiring new food labels that are more specific? Products will now be labeled 'no fat,' low fat, 'reduced fat,' and 'fat, but great personality'.

Speaking of fat, I've decided I need a Thanksgiving resolution. Not the kind that everyone makes and doesn't stick to...like promises you won't hit your kids anymore or be passed out at 5pm while they search the house for food, ultimately eating saltines and lucky charms for dinner.
I will NOT let what happened to me last year, happen to me this year. No, not 2 Girls 1 Cup.
I WONT gain 15 pounds between thanksgiving and new years. Oy, I really let that one slip last year. Most of you are saying, "shut up you skinny ass-wad" (what's an ass wad?), but what you must understand is that 15 extra pounds is that much more weight on my already fragile, aged, angry-at-me knees. And if I piss them off, they won't get me down the mountain when I go snowboarding! See how it all connects? Ahhh, now you get it. It's really not so much health reasons as it is let's-not-die-halfway-down-the-mountain-sonny bono-style. Oh, I guess that still is a health reason. Nevermind. My resolution is to be healthy! That, and to stop making out in bars, and to win the lottery.