Umm, yeah today sucks

I havent loaded my pics on here yet, but I'll just give you all a brief introduction to how I feel today:
I partied in grand style Friday night, got an early start Saturday but managed to still go the distance. Now it's Tuesday and after last night I am no longer able to speak. My eyes are beet red. Ghost beatniks pound my skull like a bongo. I can't eat, and sleep won't help. I have no concept of time. Day, night, all I know is that I am conscious.
Headache? Throbbing pain? No. I have a second heartbeat in my head which is actually annoying the people in the next office. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore of my skin and is making me dizzy. I may look okay but I have the attention span and mental capacity of a staple gun. My body has lost the ability to generate saliva so my tongue is suffocating me. I'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in my body. I had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, and a liter of diet coke - yet I haven't peed once. Death seems pretty good right now. My boss isn't mad at me and my co-workers think that my dog just died because I look so pathetic. I definitely don't remember who I was with, where I was, what I drank and why there is a stranger still sleeping in my bed, unaccompanied, back at my house. I should have called in sick because, let's face it, all I can manage to do is breathe... very gently. I would shoot my first born for the clock to strike 5. Yay Halloween weekend.